‘You’re a man!’, a disembodied voice called on a boy on the verge of crying. Sounds familiar? Despite its tender encouraging tone and supporting intention, was this really what that boy needed to hear at that particular moment in time? How did gender suddenly become the solution to his misery? Will this man-to-be ever accept that crying is a human need and not something to be ashamed of because ‘he is a man’?

Moments like the above bring to mind short stories such as The Body Audit by Rory Gleeson, Forever Overhead by David Foster Wallace, and Toadstone by Danny Rhodes, which provide a beautiful glimpse into life as a boy or a man. But the experience also flooded my head with somewhat conflicting questions: Without a Y chromosome, could I fully comprehend this boy’s dilemma? How can we ever truly understand what lies on the metaphorical other side? Isn’t emotional expression a necessary, and a natural aspect of human experience, regardless of DNA make-up? Aren’t we all made up of the same star stuff, anyway? Isn’t our consciousness, as well as our chemical composition, that which drives our emotions? Aren’t we all entitled to explore and express our emotions however suits us, especially as we grow into manhood or womanhood?

I’ve written about divisive labels before, and here again, the male/female divide seems to surface. The answer to me lies in: first, unpacking our own assumptions and biases, questioning where everything we know about ‘others’ comes from (society, culture, and so on); second, making a conscious effort to change the polarising discourse we use to talk about each other (e.g. the ‘opposite sex’); and third – and here lies humanity’s giant leap – accepting that while we may have shared experiences within an established social structure (especially one in which gender roles and expectations are more rigidly defined), our existence ultimately emanates from a single boundary that no one else, male or female, can truly inhabit.

So, let’s be proud of those tears. Let’s look ‘through’, rather than ‘at’ each other, and respect and accept the consciousness beneath the shell. Let’s not allow ‘being a man’ to become an emotional burden and a barrier to a healthy mind or relationships. Let’s create a future where ‘he’ and ‘she’ become ‘I’; a very special, unique, unconditionally accepted ‘I’.

Is your soul free from gender yet?!