Thoughts, words, actions, decisions can be driven by the desire to connect. This blog, and indeed any other form of communication, is but an example: Why would I write here if I didn’t want to connect with someone, or something?
But why is connecting such an important desire? And how aware are we of it, and its consequences? Why does it seem like a duty, a burden, a personal pursuit, or a life-long battle for some?
Thinking about the above questions, the desire to connect seems to me to be linked to an understanding of existence. We, humans, would need an anchor point from which to understand and evaluate our existence. How can I understand my existence in isolation from the world and its inhabitants, living or otherwise? How can I see the value of who I am or what I do if I don’t have anything to measure that against? And so the question now becomes: do I have value in myself away from the people and things I connect with? If so, what is that value? And how will I know it?
Thinking further about the inability to understand ourselves without relating to others can trigger in some of us deeper evaluative questions: why is it important for me to have a measurable value in the first place? How does such value change the quality of my existence? Would I be missing on ‘existing’ if I worried too much about connecting with what’s outside of myself? Such level of awareness might provide a taste of satisfaction and a feeling of self-worth, and so connecting might begin to feel less of a burden.
But, who and what do we really need to connect to? While this is pretty much an individual question, it seems to me that there are layers of connection we all share, and these may very well be associated with a level of self-worth indicator – physical, psychological, social or otherwise – that we perceive with those connections. The indicators then engrave in our psyche and mind a need for further connection. Whether that is a cycle of virtue or vice is up to each and everyone of us to ponder on.
One layer of connection we are all exposed to is our immediate families. How we are raised determines how much connection is forged on us. Some of us will have deeper connections. In this case, when connections are broken or weakened, there is struggle, drama, and a deep sense of loneliness and loss. No connections, no value for me. Another layer of connection is that with the paths we take or make. We connect with what we do on that path, say with a job, which often becomes a career, and then all other paths are forgotten, ignored, or deliberately closed.
Whatever the layer, connecting keeps us going strong, productive, leading a purposeful life. Until… old connections are broken, or new connections are forged. With that, regardless of the level of desire to connect and personal circumstances. even those sociable highly connected or highly established individuals seem to start reflecting on the purpose and value of their life. Then regrets, disappointment, disillusionment, and possibly depression, may take hold. ‘My path is not what I want’. ‘It’s not what I always wanted’. ‘My heart desires something else, something deeper, more meaningful’. ‘My connections have let me down’. And many similar thoughts lamenting the loss of rewards and direction, and of course connection.
But, thankfully, it doesn’t have to be that way, and that is a choice. The choice is to see value in more than connecting; to seek value within; to return to self, and observe the richness of the inner world, inner paths, inner possibilities subverted by looking outward. To connect with the self. And perhaps this would make connecting more authentic, more sincere, and possibly less of a burden, less of a personal pursuit, or less of a life-long battle for both the connectors and the connectees.
Have you connected with yourself recently?
