What does this actually mean? Reading stories like that of Leoni Muller (who lived on a train, a story from 2015) reminds me of how far home actually is. Or is it? Looking at a globe I could perhaps draw a line, or rather a curve. But is this what it is? A point? A boundary? A ‘castle’ as someone in my past called it? I have to totally disagree.

My journey is every human’s journey. Begins somewhere and will end somewhere, and the two ‘somewheres’ are not necessarily the same. The first somewhere is usually called home.

Specify.
Errr, a place.
Specify.
A city.
Specify.
A street.
Specify.
A house.
Specify.
A room.
Specify.
A womb.
Specify.
…

It’s not that straightforward. And those who say it is are in for very powerful life-changing disillusionment, because that’s what it is: an illusion. Some of us give it a name, an image only they can see, and make it real. This is human power and imagination. The reason? The fear of the unknown, and the desire to survive.

Like all other humans, I haven’t found home yet. Yes, like all others – who do not know it, or do not see it. In my travels, I enjoyed the non-belonging, the move, the change, that ‘disattachment’ to anything which puts a chain around my neck, or  ankles. What is important for me has always been to keep moving. However, there is something very attractive about chains; a false sense of home, of ‘groundedness’ , of security. It’s ironic, isn’t it, that chains free us. As a matter of fact, they don’t even exist. We are free, if we choose to believe it, and when we do, there are chains no more.

I might have said I was tired of my long distance travels, or that I wanted to settle, or that I missed home. However, deep inside there only lies a certain knowledge that I am on a journey, within and without, to explore new homes while I unravel the mysteries of that one and only home; the one that travels with me, and I with it, and yet we do not seem to find each other.

Science (and science fiction) gives me that extraordinarily satisfying insecurity that comes with looking for home. We can dig so deep into endless depths into a single cell (as Prof. Brian Cox presented in a documentary). We can similarly fly so far into endless cosmic sphere. Do we reach a bridge, or a cliff, or a wall? No, because there aren’t any, and yet, we are happy and sometimes seriously labour into building these physical, psychological or metaphorical barriers between ourselves. Why? Because if nature doesn’t give us that boundary to call home, we’ll make it ourselves. And why? Because we are incapable of understanding the limitless existence, our limitless existence. We are afraid to be free and dream, travel, let go and thrive in the unknown. Chains are safer.

In all this, my journey, like any other conscious human’s journey, to find then lose home, continues. I am not a being here and now. I am, I am, I am.

Are you home yet??